As some might have noticed, my words went awol again. Well actually, this time it was that I had too many words, too much to say about my trip to the Cairngorms and all the noticing and creating. Words tumbled out, but there were just too many and I was too exhausted from the trip. So my laptop stayed closed.
I'll just share this as a preview.
So I know I need to find a different way to do this for when I need to rest. I need to find ways to still live a life that doesn't put me in bed for days.
So, here is a bit of a snippet of noticings. I'm trying to build a regular journaling practice and this was what tumbled out on Sunday while I was at my parent's cat -sitting.
Between night and day, fog and clear skies. It'searly morning and I'm sat in the garden surrounded by the avian chorus. Yesterday and many days before have not been good, my symptoms have entirely ruled my existence, whether severe or not.
Today I woke up feeling crap, but something nudged me to take a different path into today. Yes I have sat and scrolled on my phone but after a short unfulfilling time on a news app, I turned to substack and the newsletters I subscribe to. Maybe it was the positivity of the people I read, the memory of a lovely lunch with new friends, or all that combined with a flame inside that knows that even if my body and brain aren't doing well, I need to take action, just find and take the small enhancing steps I can in order to not be all consumed by this condition.
So I'm now writing this, sat on a pink sun lounger in the garden, in my pj's with a coat on the top. The cats are asleep on their chairs. There are wood pigeons somehow precariously balanced on the top branches of the apple tree. Blackbirds quarter the lawn searching out the seed I scattered earlier. Now the starlings have gone to raid another garden, the sparrows and tits are appearing from the hedge to dart onto the feeders.
Just sitting, being, here in the moment, not stuck inside my body but a post of the wonderful natural world we call home. I didn't want to distract myself with TV or endless phone scrolling, I just needed the birds, squirrels, insects and plants in front of me.
And it continued to be a good day, I mostly rested, body and brain, and felt good about doing it.
And then, today, I read
latest.As always, such thoughtful and inspiring writing, about her own rules for living, even with a condition that affects her life so much more than mine. She asked what our rules for each day are, and that's what I need to have, so that each day has nature, creating, movement, connection and joy regardless of what I also have to do to manage my body. I can still be me.
So today, I sat with my face to the sun in the garden whenever I needed a break. I noticed an unknown flower that's doing very well in my unruly front garden. I closely studied this, well, I still don't know what it is, only that it might be a birch tree? The thing sticking up from the emerging leaves, with the catkins below? I need to do more research.
So, that's my nudge from nature (and some wise people). Hopefully I'll get back to being able to do some of the usual format Create with Nature letters, but in the meantime I'm not going to shy away if I can't, I'm just going to write what I notice, just put the words out there.
I guess it can be summed up as ‘stop and smell the roses’